May 4, 2010
It’s 8.23am now. I am in my guest house in Big Sky, Montana. This is absolutely surreal. I arrived here at around 6pm yesterday. And after a quick tour of the place by the doctor’s son, I settled down in this guest house.
Let me begin my recount chronologically.
I woke up 5am on 3rd May, Philadelphia Time. Junxu was sleeping and so I quickly changed and stuff and my cab arrived. I just said bye and that was it, I was in the cab on the way to Philadelphia International Airport. I told the cab I was taking united airlines, only to realize I was taking US airways. I was really unsure at the airport, but slowly figured stuff out. Then I went thru the bag checks and ate a sandwich at this breakfast place, before boarding my plane. Throughout all this, my heart was really flat, in terms of emotions, happiness, excitement, everything was just flat. I was really tired and jet lagged as well. Haha but I was happy to have met Junxu la. I’m really grateful he still took some time off for me even though he had his finals. Their finals is just crazy everybody pia-ing until siao. But I guess our finals we also pia until siao.
US airways flight was unremarkable. I tried to sleep as much as I could, though somehow seems quite hard. I’m not good at falling asleep on planes. I came across this US airways magazines that was really interesting. They put in one chapter of this book about travelling US. The author basically had some issues with life and stuff, and his wife told him to go travel. And I really loved this paragraph that I read:
My goal : Visit with other lives. Explore other places. Find coherence in the diversity I am sure to encounter. Accumulate the knowledge of journeys past and present as I rumble toward an understanding of the heroic ideal. Locate exemplars of that elusive concept. Court adventure and epiphany and insight into the parts of the whole. Then come home in once piece, and possibly at peace with myself.
As I read that my spirits were lifted a bit. Haha cos I realized, what I’m embarking on, in this solo trip to the USA, isn’t some family holiday fun, isn’t some shiok road trip with friends. It’s tough to travel alone you know. I’ve learnt that in less than 4 days. I will go on to elaborate this further, and at the end I would wanna put my goal in this trip, similar to what Brad Herzog wrote.
Ok so anyway, landed in Denver Colorado, home of the rockies. Though I don’t know that the rockies refer to. I got off my plane, sauntered to the gate where I was supposed to board my plane to Montana. As I got there, I began to feel a bit out of place, not for the first time though. I saw couple of dudes with cowboy hats. Haha and I was like. Wow, I’m flying to Billings, Montana. How many Singaporeans have ever been to Montana. You know when Singaporeans travel to usa, it’s usually to San Fran, LA, New York, Boston, or all the places with big universities, North Carolina, Michigan, Wisconsin or sth. Montana. Wow it felt really hardcore American. I was wondering into the heartlands of USA it felt. A short 1 hour flight later, here I was, Billings Montana. It just felt increasingly surreal. But mind you, all this while my emotions were still flat, my soul felt lonesome. Got my luggage, called a cab, arrived at the car rental, next thing I knew, I was behind the wheel of a Hyundai Accent, driving to Big Sky, Montana.
It was a 2 hr plus drive. And towards the end, I was falling asleep behind the wheel la. When I started driving, I again felt very shiok, spirits lifted everything, telling myself hey this isn’t so bad. This rocks. I’m driving along the highways of USA man. There was some nice scenery here and there. The nice thing about driving in USA is I always feel the roads are really big, the sky really wide. So I really like driving. As I reached my destination, I did some grocery shopping at Albertons. Again, felt really out of place and scared again. I think what I feel is akin to what a person from Sweden would feel shopping in Sheng Shiong or Shop and Save in Ang Mo Kio. It’s different from an ang moh shopping in cold storage at Holland V. That’s like me shopping in Wal Mart in Los Angeles Chinatown or sth.. but it’s ok. Again I just bought some essentials, pasta, sausages, bread etc.
And then a short drive later, I arrived at the guest house of my doctor. I was really shagged out. Ate instant mee, showered, did QT, crashed…. Slept for like 8-9 hours and woke up at 630am this morning.
My AT&T sim card doesn’t have reception here. (got owned) There’s no wireless in the guest house. So I was without handphone, internet. Totally shut out from the world. My Singtel can call la but that would cost a bomb. So I was really alone alone. Like this would be what I felt if I was exiled from Singapore, with no form of communication to anyone back home. It’s a strange feeling.
But, the best thing is, it really drew me to God. God is with me. WOW. Throughout this whole trip alone, i became more vulnerable to God it seems. Even the night before I was to fly off from philly, and I was praying with Junxu, I was absolutely so vulnerable, feeling broken, I was close to tears just hearing him pray for me. It’s hard to explain why, but it just feels like I want God more and more. Similar to how I felt when I was in Army, when every morning, in my depressed state, I would think about God, the song Lord I Thirst for You, and be close to tears just thinking about it. Haha.
But so anyway, I have 3 weeks in this guest house, all by myself. It’s a really nice guesthouse by the way. I would say it is close to a 4 star log cabin in the mountains. Really really nice and I have it all to myself. So after my QT today, I prayed told God, I want to spend this 3 weeks seeking Him. I have my bible, My QT material, a journal, Roots and Wings Discipleship book, How to read the bible for all it’s worth by Gordon Fee, I’m all set for a hardcore 3 weeks study of the bible. Haha. As I thought about it this morning I felt like yes I have a purpose, there’s something to drive me now. I realized, all our talk about being still in Singapore, throwing everything aside and just coming before God in our prayers, reflecting on Him, spending time in His presence. It’s just so hard because unconsciously there’s always something else we have to do, something else on our minds. We haven’t been stripped bare of our securities, and just come before God wanting nothing but Him, desiring nothing but His Word and His presence and His peace. But now, look at me. I’m pretty much stripped of all my securities and comfort. I’m in a foreign land all on my own. I’m in a cabin all by myself. I have no wireless or handphone at home. I’m lonely, but I’m desperate for God I guess.
So here you have it, my goal:
Visit with other lives. Explore other places. Find coherence in the diversity I am sure to encounter. Accumulate the knowledge of journeys past and present as I rumble toward an understanding of the heroic ideal(I dunno what this means, but I think for me, it would be as I rumble toward an understanding of self, and the ideal of travelling). Locate exemplars of that elusive concept. Court adventure and epiphany and insight into the parts of the whole.
Seek God with all my heart, study his Word, pray with all humbleness and a holy desperation, hear His voice, know His heart, be His child, worship Him, in essence, truly spend time with Him.
Visit old friends, treasure friendship, value relationships, learn to love people. Reminisce, ponder, reflect, contemplate, struggle with issues, think, cry, laugh, smile, have fun, be bored, be lonely, be vulnerable. Marvel at the beauty of this world. Be free, be restricted, be open, be closed. To be me.
Then come home in once piece, and possibly at peace with myself.
Ahh I can write more, but I wanna go and prepare for clinic alr. I’m not merely stucked in this cabin la I’m attached to the medical clinic here from 10am to 5pm. Well, more to write about that later. Now I gotta figure out how I’m gonna drive out of here later, cos it snowed last night. My car is showered in snow. Haha and it’s supposed to be summer la. But the weather here is erratic. Ok. I will share more of my thoughts with u later.
