hello what brings you to my blog!
So today is worth talking about.
I was in hospital, feeling bored and sian as usual. the morning went by rather uneventfully. i was in the student's lounge by 11am, reading christian articles and reading travel guides of canada and NYC. then junxu called me at 1 plus pm so we were chatting. i was like out in some secluded area near the canteen talking to him.. haha telling him how boring the hospital is and how i'm wasting my time in the hospital. then suddenly i got a call from my trauma nurse so i hurry up put down the phone on junxu and the nurse said we have trauma activation. so i was like orhh kk k i'm coming. so i walked quickly to the A&E. when i got there, the GS registrar was alr there, managing the patient. It was a road traffic accident, motorcyclist got hit by a taxi. so anyway i saw 3 students in labcoat standing by the side, and i saw a logo on their labcoat so i thought they were the duke nus medicine students so i just didn't care about them, i just like saw what i could do. then the GS registrar started teaching them about resuscitation then i was thinking ehh how come they dunno haha. then after a while the GS registrar asked them if they wanted to catheterise the patient but i think they said they dunno how. so He knew i was an elective student on attachment so he asked me whether i could do it i said i can try. the truth is i have seen it a million times but never did it myself. so he said it's ok there's always a first time. anyway i'm attached to his team so he knew me and like yaa it was good. then i realised the students standing there were nus students. and i remembered the year 2s were starting their first day of clinicals. so that was their first day of clinicals. wow my first day of clinicals was a while back ago, but i remembered feeling completely lost and like felt damn useless. so anyway the GS registrar walked me through the whole catheterisation. He was actually the doctor who taught my group how to do catheterisation on the mannequin when we were just year 2s starting out. soo anyway it was my first time i was a bit blur i kept double checking with him all my steps. so later he was like waaa who teach you how to do catheterisation one ahhh, then i was like err actually it's you.. haha then he was like waa lao no wonder they never ask me go back to teach for awhile. but in truth the catheterisation was quite smooth i thought, not much problem, just a little hesitant and slow but no problem. i'm glad i got to do my first urine catheterisation. so afterwards i went to talk with the students... i was very nice and approachable and candid and down to earth. so they asked me how i felt catheterising so i said ok lor.. i told them most of my friends did it alr but i told them i'm quite slack one so only until now then i did it. but i told them eventually all of u all will do it so don't worry. haha then they asked me about clinicals, should they follow ward rounds everything.. then it just suddenly dawned upon me that i'm actually a senior. like i know things. like when they saw the CT scans, i realised i could actually teach them stuff about it. haha. so i told them that actually if sometimes got no tutorials in the hospital i will just zao haha then they were like ohhh nice.. then i said like being a student is really about standing around wasting time and feeling useless a lot of the time. i think if i were year 2 and someone told me that i would be comforted in the fact that all the students go through the same thing. but yeahh all in all, it was actually quite a surreal experience for me, speaking to the year 2s. i mean i think they actually looked up to me as a senior. wow that feels weird and i feel unworthy. but i did tell them i'm quite stupid one dunno anything haha. then there was the ortho MO there and while we were in the lift he asked me so why did u do medicine. then i was like errr.... then he said you will ask yourself that question every night while you're a HO then i was like haha yes i know i will. i said i'm alr starting to ask myself sometimes hahaha.(but if i were to do it all over again i think i will still do medicine) then i said something like but it's ok what it depends on what you do what, i said something like can still change to do other things, which i was meaning to do like GP, dermatology, whatever, but i think He and the GS MO thought i meant changing to be like a banker, businessman, corporate world whatever so they were like EHH that's the way to go man, change while you can or sth.. haha.

You see, being a surgeon is not all what it's made out to be man. it's a very tough life which isn't funny. when we say no life, we mean it. but ok la i guess i bankers and lawyers sometimes have no life also but it's different in the hospital i think.. hospital is just a madhouse. ok anyway, so that was that. i actually enjoy conversations about what we wanna do next time, like what specializations. I always ask my tutors and doctors why they chose to specialize in what they did. i like hearing people's views.

So anyway, around 4 plus i went to the office to meet my consultant. while waiting, another senior doctor walked past me and said, hey we have an interesting case in so and so bed. he said sister something nodule. so i decided to go see the patient, do a quick one.. so i got to see the patient, and there was a nodule at the umbilicus. a hard lump sort of thing, seemingly invading through the superficial skin. anyway then i went back to the office, met my consultant, and we discussed the trauma case. so he asked me like ok assume u are the doctor in charge, what do u wanna do, what injuries do u suspect, what are u looking out for. and so i started answering and stuff and i realised i actually knew some stuff. so like i would wanna do a CT head because i can't rule out a bleed in the head, etc etc. i would do an arterial blood gas to check the base excess and lactate levels, see if any acidosis going on which might tell me that the patient is in shock, which sometimes isn't reflected in the BP and heart rate. then i asked my consultants some questions like why need to catheterise patients, why need to do strict input output monitoring, and he answered my questions, because u wanna make sure the kidneys are perfused, so u would expect a urine output of 0.5-1.0 ml/kg/hr. i keep forgetting stuff like that but i think i am slowly getting it... so i felt quite pleased after that. so i was dismissed, then i went to order a chocolate waffle, then i went to the computer to check out what was the nodule i saw, and i learnt that it is sister mary joseph's nodule, which is a rare condition when the tumour cells from an intraabdominal malignancy spread out of the umbilicus. So i was like waa okk so i made a mental note if i ever see a nodule like this must suspect something sinister going on. if i didn't see this today next time i see that thing i would be like hmm probably some abscess or necrotic cyst or some crap and maybe not think much about it. but yaa so it was good to see that.

so as i walked to the simei mrt, eating my chocolate waffle, i thought to myself hmm today is a good day. it was also an interesting day.. but then i suddenly thought of people who were working every single day, such as like construction workers, i thought about people who were suffering in the world, then i realised how spoilt i've become. i always complain waa life damn sian hospital sian. then i realised, it's human nature to have a spirit of grumbling. i thought about the israelites, classic example man. when they were slaves in egypt, they complain complain grumble. then when moses delivered them from egypt, they complain why have you brought us out of egypt, it would have been better if we were still in egypt, at least have food and whatever. LIKE SERIOUSLY. then after that got food they complain they keep eating the same thing, manna. they just kept complaining and complaining man. i felt quite incredulous as i read it i was like waa this people seriously got problem. then after that i realised i'm a bit like that. i think when i was in JC i complain waa study so hard so sian man.. then when i went army i was like waa lao jc so much better. i wished i was back in jc. and ok la i dun wished i was back in army again, but i complain when i'm in medicine school. the thing is that i just keep complaining la. a spirit of grumbling. the bible is clear a spirit of grumbling isn't good. i think it may be a bit therapeutic sometimes to call someone and just say waa very sian leh hospital.. but ya all in all a spirit of grumbling isn't good. i think from now on, i would still grumble sometimes to my friends because that is my true feelings. i mean i don't think i will go and fake and like tell my good friends waa i feel very joyful i've to wake up at 6am tomorrow to go hospital to do pre rounds. i will grumble and complain a bit la. but then i will then tell myself it's alright, we all go through difficult moments. stay close to God, ask God to feel me with the joy of the Lord. i will remind myself how blessed i am with all that i have. i will be thankful for whatever God has given me, in this season. i will ask him for strength to go on and do my job. i will try to have a positive outlook on things as much as i can. i won't take myself so seriously. i will learn to relax when i can.. haha it's actually quite fun to complain and grumble sometimes but i won't let it become something negative. you know something like cross country training last time, when before training i would tell my friends wa lao damn sian man gotta train again and laugh about it. but then during training we put in our best effort, and do a good one, then after training, there's a sense of satisfaction and how we can look back and think that it was a good training session.

haha okk i talk a lot man and i think i've been talking a lot of crap. i shall go shower now..