8th May 2010
It’s a new day! The sun is out this morning, which is nice. I am going to take a long long walk later. I went to hike a short trail to a waterfall yesterday, and that was quite nice.. it would have been 10 000 times nicer if I had a friend with me. Which leads me to the point to say that I guess I’m a person who likes to enjoy things with other people. For example ice cream. Ice cream tastes so much better if u’re eating it with a very good friend. Same goes for a movie. A movie is much more enjoyable if u’re watching it with someone.

Having said that, I’m much more independent than most people I would think. A lot of the times, I’d rather do things alone. For example, taking a bus home. Sometimes I hope that the person I’m with is not going the same way as me so that I can take the bus alone. Cos u know, sometimes I just like to sit still on the bus and just stone, rather than making conversation with someone. And also, like I quite enjoy being alone sometimes after a long hard day.. all I wanna do is just reflect back kinda thing. I can also remember one example in hospital, many people were going back to NUS, and I needed to go back nus as well. But none of my Clinical group mates were driving back/going back. So the common thing people will do is to ask a lift from someone else. However there was no one there whom I’m as close to as someone like Junxu/Caleb/Gabriel. Hmm ok but in any case I dun really like asking for a lift from someone else. I absolutely won’t feel sad about having to take a bus on my own even if I could have gotten a lift, except if I’m really late la. So anyway, all I needed to do was to ask the other people for a lift and I would have gotten it, but instead I just took train and bus from SGH to NUS. And I was like quite happy with it. Haha. I know of people who will never ever do that, they will just get a lift, I mean like it seems the most sensible thing to do anyway.

Ok so to crystallize everything, I like having company. But I guess it’s close company I desire. For example, to hang out with really close friends, or people who I can really enjoy talking to. You know how sometimes u talk to someone for the first time and u know you can just keep talking. I remember this incident in London. I was at OCF, and like u know the usual hello how are you conversations with people, what are you doing here etc.. They were all like u know pretty routine/have to make effort kinda conversations. Then after that I was walking to the Tube with a group of them, and I just happened to talk to this girl. She was a friend of my good friend in medicine. So anyway, she just talk to me, and somehow, it just feels like I’ve known her a long time, even though I don’t know her. Kinda like you can just suddenly tell her anything. And no, I wasn’t attracted to her physically or whatever, it’s just that she was very easy going, very down to earth, very relaxed, same frequency. So like as I talked to her my spirits just lifted and like it felt really nice. Like we were joking and laughing and stuff. Like genuine one, not the faked forced type of laughter. Haha.

Ok so to crystallize my crystallization, I enjoy people. I do. But I don’t enjoy the social game. Which is why I don’t really enjoy going to birthday parties of people I’m not that close to, or parties for that matter, where I’d have to meet lots and lots of new people. I’d gladly choose a cosy dinner with 4-5 good friends. (I’m listening to It had to be you on my itunes now, I can just imagine myself walking along central park listening to this, which is what I’m gonna do soon yeahh) Which is why I call myself anti-social sometimes. However, I’m not ANTI-SOCIAL also cos I like to be with good company. Like now. I’ve been alone for 5-6 days, travelling around USA on my own, and I can tell you I’m in some need of any sort of company. Haha. But yeahh. Hmm I’m bad in writing down my thoughts it’s all over the place.

Maybe, when I’m with a lot of people for a period of time, I like to be alone. Maybe when I’m with no one for a period of time, I like to be with someone.
Maybe, I just like to be with people whom I can be myself and talk and laugh about anything, people who are easy going, relaxed, fun.
Maybe, I’m also a little shy so I dare not be myself/talk/laugh with people who may be less easy going at first sight.

Argh I hate what I’m writing like I don’t even know what I’m saying. Ok what I’m saying is this: That walk in the trail yesterday? I would have wanted company. A bus ride home? I’ll be perfectly fine with good company, or with being alone, but just not crazy about taking bus with someone I’m not so familiar with, or can’t really talk and be myself. A movie? Ironman 2 in the cinema, definitely with company. You’ve got mail, I watched it alone at home and it was really really nice I enjoyed watching it alone. I’ve travelled with people and wished I was alone, or probably wished I had better company. I’ve travelled with my parents and wished my friends were there. But right now, I would pay up to USD1000 for my parents to be where I am. I’ve travelled alone(yes now,) and wished for someone to be with me. Anyone, even a medicine student I’m not close to.

Haha ok so bottomline of these bottomlines, my mind is in a state of constant flux and it really is situation dependent. So I guess, I’m unpredictable. Yeah. I’m unpredictable.

My social inclinations cannot be crystallized. It is just meant to be a mash of potatoes. Oh and Junxu just called me and I told him I was reflecting on my social inclinations. Haha. Thank God my good friends man. I think it would be really funny if Gabriel was here. Gabriel seems like the sort of guy who would do well in any situation. Like if you throw him in a cabin all on his own, honestly I can’t see him like crying about his situation. Haha ok I dunno. Anyway ya. That’s that.

Something else I thought about this morning: You know how I’m counting down the days to being home. 11th June seems far away, even 23rd May seems far away. But have you thought of your maids? Or the foreign workers? They come all the way to a foreign place, work for other people, and their contract is like 2 years. I think I have a glimpse of how they can feel initially. The loneliness, the uncertainty, the sense that this isn’t home. I think my maid feels quite home at my house la. She’s been there close to 3 years alr I think and like yeah she’s one of us. But I can imagine those who are not. The loneliness is definitely something they will feel. I mean they are right in the midst of a foreign culture and family. Different race altogether. So how can u blame them for wanting to meet their fellow filippinos. I dunno how to spell that. But ya, if there was a group of Singaporeans in Montana now, I would definitely wanna meet them. I think I can sort of understand why they like to meet in Lucky Plaza now. Cos they know that on that day if they go there, they can at least feel some sense of belonging, some hint of home, where they’ve grown up. As humans we long for a sense of belonging, a sense of home, don’t you?

So, what is my point. My point is to treat foreign workers with respect/love/care. I mean I think they really suffer a lot working here.. I can’t imagine it for myself. I’m here for so short only. 3 weeks. And somemore mine is like attachment/holiday, and I can feel like lonely alr. What more them. 2 years. Wow if I had to be here 2 years I immediately cancel my contract and fly home.

Some while ago I had a burden for foreign workers/domestic workers. They are children of God as well. Have you ever thought of them like that? To think that these people are dearly loved by God, and that He sent Christ to die for them, to bring them back to Him. I think of the maids who come to St James Church, my own maid, hardly anyone cares for them, well at least not me. Or the foreign workers, Ghani(if that is his name). I want to ask God for a greater burden for these people, and to then sense what is His heart for them. Then I want to pray and do God’s will at the correct time so that these people can come to know God. Wow, what a loaded statement. But ya. I guess we need to do something for them. It’s about time.

K, I shall go prepare and go out for a walk now. The sun is out.