My reflections in the past month:

on my china trip-
it's really clear to me how fragile life is. Just one disaster like that, so many people died, like ants, along with all their hopes and dreams. We see clearly that whatever God gives, He can take away. So many hopes and dreams, so much wealth just became meaningless in the blink of an eye.. Do i really wanna invest my time in things that can just die away? or to build up for myself treasures on earth? i dunno..

Matt 6 : 19 Do not store up for yourselves treasure on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.

I realised that i'm actually quite materialistic. i hope i can drive a porsche next time, that sort of thing. haha.. wear nice clothes and stay in nice house. this trip seriously questions those ambitions. when i hear of parents who lost their only child overnight, children who lost their parents, mothers who can't go to sleep at night cos their husbands died, women who became so shell shocked because they were trapped in the rubble for hours, with severed heads around them, and seeing their friends die beside them. These materialistic ambitions of mine seems to sound so childish and foolish even.. i still hope for a nice house in the future because i believe i can bless others with a nice house (e.g. parties, cell groups, fellowship, show hospitality etc. ) But like to spend 500K on a car seems to be too extravagant. However if one thinks like this, then might as well sell everything, live in a 1 room flat and give everything to the poor. How much exactly is spending too much on sth? I begin to understand Matt 19:23-24 "i tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again i tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. "

i personally am more inclined now to think it's ok to spend a lot of money on lavish things, but the thing is that money or these objects do not become ur master. God gives and take away. But when He takes away, our hearts must choose to say Lord blessed be your name! However i think as i experience more things in life, God will speak to me more about such issues, and my views will/might change.

i am also reminded about how blessed i am. i tell myself please no more grumbling and getting worked up about my maid not putting my clothes nicely on the hangers or other silly things. A spirit of grumbling is foolish, a spirit of thanksgiving is the posture we should have daily.

am i being called to missions overseas? i don't know. However i sense God telling me, your mission field is the people around you. My sisters, my relatvies, my friends in med school. i feel like i can never go out to do missions overseas if my own family members are not saved. As in it won't feel right in my soul.

I also learnt more about God's love. Learnt more about being broken by God so that we are able to know Him more, to experience more of His goodness. I learnt about hospitality too! - can u believe when we went to this disaster zone, the people there who suffered the effects of the earthquake actually sort of hosted us during meals and stuff. i mean like wow i really learn about hospitality man.
i've learnt so many things but i'm lazy to blog about them alr la.

i also need to learn more about ( and be convicted ) of how the knowledge of God can change the lives of people, especially those who have lost everything in a disaster.



a different one :

before i went to china, the days leading up to revelations. I just felt very far away from God. Very spiritually dry and empty. i was sort of still doing my qt but it became very mechanical. very routine. devoid of real conversation with God. My walk was sort of dead. this caused me to feel disheartened. Why do i feel so unconvicted of the things i do. why when i worship, it feels like i'm singing empty songs. I can try hard to think about the song lyrics, but becase there isn't a daily encounter with God, or daily intake of the word, the worship feels weird, at best can only be a emotional high. i felt quite useless. i even felt like the black sheep.

however i learnt that we've to all recognise we're broken people, spiritually bankrupt.
[Matthew 5:3-4
Blessed are the poor in spirit,for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.Blessed are those who mourn,for they shall be comforted.

What Then Is Poverty of Spirit?
It is a sense of powerlessness in ourselves.
It is a sense of spiritual bankruptcy and helplessness before God.
It is a sense of moral uncleanness before God.
It is a sense of personal unworthiness before God.
It is a sense that if there is to be any life or joy or usefulness, it will have to be all of God and all of grace.

When Jesus says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit," he does not mean everybody. He means those who feel it. That is why it is so appropriate to take the first and second beatitudes together. "Blessed are those who mourn," clarifies the subjective side of being poor in spirit.
Blessed are the poor in spirit who mourn. Blessed are the people who feel keenly their inadequacies and their guilt and their failures and their helplessness and their unworthiness and their emptiness—who don't try to hide these things under a cloak of self-sufficiency, but who are honest about them and grieved and driven to the grace of God. ]

i got that from http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/BySeries/22/528_Blessed_Are_the_Poor_in_Spirit_Who_Mourn/

anyway to continue, only when we humble ourselves and see that we are people who are sinful, and that we need God's grace can we truly come before Him. Christianity isn't about being spiritually very good all the time. It's about going thru trials and times of testing where our faith is moulded and our relationship with God is deepened. Thru this episode, i realise how much more of God i need and want in my life. I feel like i've had a mini breakthrough in my walk with God..


May we continue to grow deeper in love with God daily...
yes i finally blogged about this.
goodnight