just suddenly felt like blogging. i'm in my room now, it's 1.23am, and only one soft light in my room is on.. my itunes is playing some sappy korean piano song.. i just read the blog of a very good friend from my jc life.. it's the perfect time for a reflection on life...
sitting in my room now. i think of the various friends that have graced me in my close to 21 years of existence. i realised, no matter how much you think you treasure your friends when they are actually with you, you don't realise how much they mean to you until you're no longer close, or no longer in contact.... i've had many friends who were very close to me in chinese high, such as Huey Hsiang, my long time cross country buddy in sec 1-2 and Zhang Fang. I've totally no idea where huey hsiang is... at least i still keep in contact with Zhang Fang abit. A dear friend whom i'm no longer close to once said sth like God appoints different friends to you during different seasons. or sth like that. that there are some pple in different seasons of your life. anyway whatever it is.....

i guess right now, i do actually feel a little lost in life...... for like maybe the first time, or first time in a long time.. true i know my life is in God's hands.. yet my soul yearns for a companionship that can't be described. it's not just like a girlfriend whatever, or a very close best friend.. but i guess this is the pt in my life, where i learn to be independant. reliant on God, depending on Him, crying out to Him and growing deeper in love with Him. and it's true, u don't realise the close friends surrounding you, seeing you through, till you're no longer close friends anymore.
It's like you don't miss the water till the well runs dry...

there seems to be something inherently wrong with me these days.. arghhh.. right now i feel that i strongly miss the 2nd part of 2005. i knew i treasured it then, but can't help but wished i had embraced every single moment of it, like grab hold of it so that time doesn't past.

but anyway like i said, or what my friend said, friends for the different seasons of life.... Thank God for friends who are close to me throughout the seasons. Thank God for the one that will eventually walk with me throughout the seasons of life. i will rejoice greatly the day i find the soul which matches my soul, the heart that matches mine, the missing part of my rib...

I look at the picture of the snowy mountains on my blog, and think of all the things i've wanted to do.. for a very long long time. snowboarding, looking at beautiful scenery, skateboarding, surfing, triathlon etc etc. i just never really got going i guess. but reflecting reflecting. there are seriously a lot more to life than exams, and whatever else. my youth is limited i guess i don't wanna waste it....

On monday, i made the trip to simei to visit my grandmother. it was kinda on impulse, but also sth i had wanted to do for a little while. on sunday, when Claudia led worship and sang i can only imagine, i suddenly tried thinking what if this was me singing the song when my parents are gone from this world. and i just suddenly felt a surging wave of sadness flowing throughout me. like the day when my mom is gone, or my dad is gone. i'll just be really at a loss. i take them for granted now. i seriously do. i think i'm smarter than them, that they are old fashioned. etc etc. yet it was their great love for me that brought me up. when i was a little baby, it was them that fed me, change my diapers, loved me cared for me gave me all the love in the world. sometimes humans can really be savage creatures emotionally.

I treasure my grandma too. she's such a lovely and cute lady and i really do wish she can come to know Jesus as her Lord and Saviour. Impossible as it may seem now, Prayer makes the impossible possible.

Don't ever wait till it's too late to spend time with the people you love. i think, i'd rather show love to the people around me now, then to come up with some speech about how good that person was at his/her funeral.

i know when i read this in 2 days, i will think it's a super stupid lame post. oh well blame it on the sappy korean songs.