the moon is super huge today. i'm going to eat wanton mee now
This holy week and good friday, i had sudden flashes of the magnitude of what Jesus went through. I spent quite a long time in the prayer room today, but i realised, i will never be able to understand what Jesus went through, to die on the cross for my sins. though strong emotions might stir up in me, feelings of gratitude and awe of God's love, perhaps even tears as i watch the video of Jesus being crucified, that isn't what God requires from us. (fleeting moments of strong emotions stirred up inside us for Jesus). He requires us to take up our cross daily and follow Him. One of the stations at the walk through easter is the simon of cyrene and the weight of the cross station. and at that station, we are asked to think what it means to take up our cross daily, or simply what the cross represents to us or means to us. i don't think i have a clear answer in my head to that and i need to think what does that mean for me. Perhaps it means being ready to die for Christ. when Jesus carried His cross, He was going to die for our sins. When we take up our cross, it means we're ready to die for Jesus? I don't know. I shall meditate on the verse and allow it to speak to me...
Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."


the cruxifixion begins. Nails are driven through the small bones of the hand and the arch of the feet of Jesus. As He slowly sags down with more weight on the nails in the hand, excruciating pain shoots along the fingers and up the arms to explode in the brain - the nails in the wrists are putting pressure on the median nerves. As He pushes Himself upward to avoid this wrenching torment, He places His full weight on the nail through His feet. Again there is the searing agony of the tearing through the nerves between the metatarsal bones of the feet.

At this point, another phenomenon occurs. As the arms fatigue, great waves of cramps sweep over the muscles, knotting them in deep, relentless, throbbing pain. With these cramps comes the inability to push Himself upward. Hanging by His arms, the pectoral muscles are paralyzed and the intercostal muscles are unable to act. Air can be drawn into the lungs, but cannot be exhaled. Jesus fights to raise Himself in order to get even one short breath. Finally carbon dioxide builds up in the lungs and in the blood stream and the cramps partially subside. Spasmodically, He is able to push Himself upward to exhale and bring in the life-giving oxygen.

Hours of this limitless pain, then another agony begins. A deep crushing pain deep in the chest as the pericardium slowly fills with serum and begins to compress the heart.

It is now almost over - the loss of tissue fluids has reached a critical level - the compressed heart is struggling to pump heavy, thick sluggish blood into the tissue - the tortured lungs are making a frantic effort to draw in small gulps of air. The markedly dehydrated tissues send their flood of stimuli to the brain.

With one last surge of strength, he once again presses His torn feet against the nail, straigthens His legs, takes a deeper breath, and utters His last cry,

"Father into thy hands i commit my spirit.

It is finished."


Love so amazing, so divine,
demands my soul, my life,
my all